Translator: dounai
Editor: mantou
26
Throwback to the day Mother Chen graced her presence.
Ever since Chen Zhuo overslept, walked out from Ji Xiaobei’s room and was caught by his mother, he could not be bothered to hold himself back anymore.
Whoever wished to sleep on the sofa could do as they wish; he was going to sleep with his wife no matter what.
Chen Zhuo tormented Ji Xiaobei till midnight everyday. Mother Chen was just in the room beside them, separated by a piece of wall. Ji Xiaobei did not dare to release his breath, and always teared up from suppressing them.
Ji Xiaobei was angered, “Why don’t you try it yourself and not scream!”
“You spend the day with my mum everyday, and we only have this little time to ourselves at night. Can’t I treasure it?” Chen Zhuo shamelessly clung onto him.
Ji Xiaobei turned up his nose, “Chen Zhuo, getting jealous over your own mum, are you still human…”
After staying for three days, Mother Chen said that she wanted to bring Xiao Bei back. Chen Zhuo was shocked, thinking that his mum was just pulling his leg.
Chen Zhuo, “No wait, he’s my wife, why are you bringing him back?”
Mother Chen, “He’s my daughter-in-law, why can’t I bring him back?”
Chen Zhuo decided to lay out an analysis on a human’s basic needs1.
Chen Zhuo, “Mum, in this cold winter, thick clothes occupy a lot of space. One luggage for Beibei, and another luggage for you, both of you won’t be able to manage!”
Mother Chen, “Then we will not pack clothes. I will bring Xiao Bei out to buy them once we return.”
Ji Xiaobei, “It’s okay! I can manage my own luggage!”
Chen Zhuo, “…”
Chen Zhuo, “Beibei enjoys spicy food, and the food at home is usually bland. He won’t be able to get used to it, what if he starves and loses weight?”
Mother Chen, “I’ll prepare a meal to suit his taste, and cook whatever he wants to eat.”
Ji Xiaobei, “It’s better to eat light, sometimes my throat hurts from too much spice.”
Chen Zhuo, “…”
Chen Zhuo, “Our apartment is located on a high floor, it’s inconvenient for Beibei!”
Mother Chen, “Isn’t there an elevator?”
Ji Xiaobei, “Isn’t there an elevator?”
Chen Zhuo, “…”
Chen Zhuo, “He’s not familiar with the area around our house, it’s not safe for him to go out!”
Mother Chen, “I’ll be accompanying him, how could I let him go out alone!”
Ji Xiaobei dutifully nodded his head, “Mm mm, thanks mum!”
Chen Zhuo pinched his cheeks, “Hey, whose side are you on?”
All in all, Chen Zhuo lost in every aspect. Still fuming, he had to send the pair of mother and wife to the train station the next day. Approaching the ticket check-in, Mother Chen dragged her luggage and bidded farewell.
Chen Zhuo stood in place, “You’re leaving alone?”
Mother Chen, “Xiao Bei didn’t even bring his luggage, are you a fool!”
Chen Zhuo, “Didn’t you say you would buy a new one for your dearest daughter-in-law?!”
Mother Chen, “Even if I wish to bring him along, he will not leave with me.”
Ji Xiaobei was a little flustered, “Mum, I’ll definitely go next year…”
After sending Mother Chen off, Chen Zhuo knocked Ji Xiaobei on his head, “Now you have learnt to join hands with my mum to conspire against me?”
Ji Xiaobei covered his forehead, “I am just! Taking the lead! To infiltrate the insides2!”
Chen Zhuo tore his hand away, and planted a kiss where he had just hit, “What do you mean infiltrate, I think you have been recruited3…”
▬
27
A Little Laughter 【Parallel Universe 1】
This week, a public welfare related app developer was going to hold a talk in the school. The student organization Ji Xiaobei was in-charge of liaison, hence he was sent to the airport to receive the guest.
His senior had sent him a picture of the guest; a slightly chubby programmer in glasses, wearing a checkered shirt.
He arrived at the airport early, holding a placard he had prepared beforehand, searching for a person in a checkered shirt amidst the sea of people.
After a few moments, a figure decked in a trench coat walked directly towards him. He was very tall, very handsome, and Ji Xiaobei swallowed a gulp of saliva from nervousness, thinking that this adonis was just asking for directions.
In the end, the trench coat man stood in front of him, “Hi student, I’m Chen Zhuo, the person-in-charge of Be Your Eyes. Sorry for the trouble, but my colleague had an urgent matter to attend to, and I’m here at the last minute.”
Ji Xiaobei carelessly engaged in small talks with him, and he had felt a sense of regret in his heart: If he knew it was going to turn out like this, he would have stuffed an insole in his shoe and styled his hair a little higher before coming over. This human is way taller than him…
The two males took the subway and as it was the peak period, it was packed with people. It was as if their feet didn’t touch the ground as they were squeezed and lifted into the carriage. Ji Xiaobei was seized all the way inside, and when he lifted his head he was directly faced with… Chen Zhuo’s Adam’s apple.
His eyes trailed the Adam’s apple that was sliding up and down, “Don’t lean against the door, it’s dangerous,” Chen Zhuo said.
Ji Xiaobei’s face started burning up subconsciously. “Oh,” he said, and shuffled forward a little, but there was nothing around him that he could grab onto.
Chen Zhuo held onto the overhead handle, grabbing Ji Xiaobei’s hand and placing it on his upper arm, letting the boy hold onto him as a human handle.
Ji Xiaobei felt that his height has been greatly despised…
They chatted along the way, Chen Zhuo asking if Ji Xiaobei had heard about their app before, and Ji Xiaobei nodded his head, saying that he had already registered.
Chen Zhuo whipped out his phone and spoke, “Let’s be friends then, what’s your ID?”
“Ah?” Ji Xiaobei said as he wore an expression of shock on his face.
Chen Zhuo, “Your ID! Have you not actually used it before and lied to me?”
Ji Xiaobei toughened up and denied, “I have really registered for it, uhm, my ID is, w, o, z…”
Chen Zhuo listened to him mumble a string of English letters, and looked at his phone after keying them in: wozhendebukeai4, I’m really not cute.
… This kid, is too adorable?
▬
28
A Little Laughter 【Parallel Universe 2】
After Ji Xiaobei sent Chen Zhuo to the hotel beside the school, he rushed back for night class. Coincidentally, he met his roommate, Xiao Wang, at the canteen and they sat together for a meal.
As his roommate was wolfing down his food and Ji Xiaobei was eating his own, he could not control himself but to glance towards his friend’s Adam’s apple.
Ji Xiaobei, “Wang ge, say something.”
Xiao Wang, “Ah? What do you want me to say?”
Ji Xiaobei, “Just anything.”
Xiao Wang was from Tianjin5. Clearing his throat, he spoke immediately, “Then, let me recite a series of dishes6 for you! Steamed lamb, steamed bear’s paw, steamed deer’s tail, roasted duck, roasted chicken, roasted goose, braised pork, braised duck, soya sauce chicken, cured meat…”
Ji Xiaobei stared at the moving Adam’s apple and after pondering, he concluded that there’s nothing nice about it.
Ji Xiaobei, “Ge, let’s just eat properly, don’t talk while you’re eating.”
Xiao Wang, “… Are you asking for a beating?”
Attending the 《Current Situation and Policy》 class at night, Ji Xiaobei has always been seating at the front row for every class, and today was no exception.
He was attentive at the beginning but as he listened on, his focus had turned towards the professor’s Adam’s apple.
Recalling a certain person’s Adam’s apple gliding up and down in front of him, he also heard the man’s deep and pleasant voice in his ear, “Don’t lean against the door, it’s dangerous.”
After Ji Xiaobei ended his throwback, his whole being turned numb and limp. Lowering his chin, he fell into a deep thought, they’re all Adam’s apple, but why are their differences just so huge?
Perhaps his expression was overly sincere as he steadily gazed and focused on the professor, he had successfully attracted the professor’s attention, and hence they (one-sidedly) intensely looked at each other many times.
The professor was deeply moved, “These days, there are many students who don’t focus and only look down while playing on their phone during lessons. It has been a long time since I last met a student this engrossed during lessons.”
Ji Xiaobei: daydream.JPG
Professor, “Come, you don’t have to be modest, stand up and let everyone know who you are. I’ll hand this question to you to explain it to everyone!”
Ji Xiaobei: ???
The top student has encountered his first setback.
When he closed his eyes and laid on his bed at night, Ji Xiaobei heard the same sentence in his ears again, “Don’t lean against the door, it’s dangerous.”
He’s ruined. He could not fall asleep so he felt for his phone at the bedside and grabbed it. Turning it on, he silently tapped on the Be Your Eyes app and opened Chen Zhuo’s information page.
cz2046, cz is his name, Chen Zhuo, and is 2046 referring to that movie?
Ji Xiaobei was staring at the screen in a daze when all of a sudden, his phone rang. He was startled into a mess, unsure which part of the screen he had accidentally tapped on.
“Hello?” a voice came through the speakers.
Ji Xiaobei almost threw his phone away, “Ah, I’m sorry! I didn’t know what I pressed that connected to the voice call! Sorry, sorry for disturbing you so late into the night, I’m really sorry, I didn’t know what I pressed…”
It took some effort for the person on the other side of the line interrupt him, “Er, bukeai student, you didn’t press on anything, I was the one who called.”
Ji Xiaobei foolishly squeezed out a sound, “… Ah?”
After cz2046 heard some noise on the other end, he asked, “Are you playing games?”
Ji Xiaobei’s three other roommates were teaming up playing PUBG together, “It’s my roommates, I don’t know how to play games.”
“Oh,” cz2046 said, sounding quite regretful as he continued, “I wanted to ask if you wanted to play together.”
Ji Xiaobei once read a line: At 15, if you find swimming difficult, give up. At 18, if you meet someone you like asking you out for a swim, you had better say “I don’t know how”.
Hence, 18 year-old bukeai student loudly announced, “I can learn!”
The very next second after he said this, he regretted it. He felt that he had been bewitched by 2046…
▬
29
(back to current universe)
Chen Zhuo’s hometown was known for being a fertile land7. The day before, Mother Chen sent them a big bag of homemade dried shrimps.
Ji Xiaobei had only ever eaten fresh prawns and shrimps, and had never tasted dried shrimps before. It was so addictive that after sampling one, he could not stop. At night, while Ji Xiaobei was on a video call with Mother Chen, he complimented that he had never tasted anything so fresh before, making her giggle with happiness.
At noon the following day, Chen Zhuo and Ji Xiaobei were on the line, when the former noticed pinkish swollen patches on the boy’s face and neck.
Chen Zhuo, “Do you have a mosquito bite on your neck? Is it itchy?”
Ji Xiaobei, “How would there be mosquitos during this time? But it does feel a little itchy.”
Chen Zhuo, “Don’t scratch it! Is it an allergy? … Could it be the dried shrimps?”
Ji Xiaobei, “Ah?”
Chen Zhuo, “Did you secretly eat some again this morning?”
Ji Xiaobei, “I did not!”
Chen Zhuo, “Tell me the truth!”
Ji Xiaobei, “… I had a few.”
Chen Zhuo, “It must have been many fews right? Stop eating, do you hear? Even if it’s itchy you can’t scratch it. I’ll bring you to the hospital after getting off work later.”
Ji Xiaobei, “Oh…”
When Chen Zhuo arrived home, he saw that the big bag of dried shrimps had been reduced to half. The main culprit even looked at Chen Zhuo with a face full of innocence, attempting to fool him with sympathy, and the red patches on his face were almost connected to form a Big Dipper.
Chen Zhuo, “Did you scratch them?”
Ji Xiaobei was steadfast in refusing to admit that he had eaten the shrimps.
After a check-up at the hospital, it was indeed a rash caused by an allergy. He was prescribed some medication, and Chen Zhuo applied them on the Big Dipper, one by one.
Ji Xiaobei, “Will it leave a scar?”
Chen Zhuo, “… You’re already disfigured!”
Ji Xiaobei, “Liar!”
Chen Zhuo slipped on a pair of socks on Ji Xiaobei’s extremely disobedient paws.
Ji Xiaobei, “What do you think you’re doing!!”
Chen Zhuo, “It’s to prevent you from scratching.”
Ji Xiaobei, “Is this pair of bear socks?”
Chen Zhuo, “It has already turned out this way but you’re still concerned if it’s a little bear, puppy, kitten or piglet?”
Ji Xiaobei, “I just wanted to tell you to get a new pair. Don’t you know that physical contact is forbidden between hands and legs8?”
Chen Zhuo, “It’s your own socks but you’re still despising them. Don’t you know hands and feet have deep bonds9?”
Ji Xiaobei, “…”
▬
30
It was a terribly cold day, and Ji Xiaobei fell asleep while snuggling under the blankets.
Until four thirty in the afternoon, Chen Zhuo gave him a call, asking him what he was up to.
Ji Xiaobei, “Sleeping, why is it so cold today…”
Chen Zhuo, “I’m going to tell you something, but don’t get too excited.”
Ji Xiaobei, “Ah?”
Chen Zhuo, “It actually snowed today.”
Ji Xiaobei, “How did you not tell me about this earlier!!!”
Chen Zhuo, “And it snowed heavily.”
Ji Xiaobei, “Why did you not tell me about this earlier!!!!”
Chen Zhuo, “The floor is covered in a thick layer of snow.”
Ji Xiaobei, “Ahhh why did you not tell me about it!!!”
Chen Zhuo, “I was afraid that you would slip and fall. Don’t play in the snow and get your clothes wet, you’ll catch a cold.”
Ji Xiaobei, “How could you do this, I won’t be your friend anymore!!!”
Chen Zhuo, “I’ll bring you out to play when I get home after work.”
Ji Xiaobei, “The snow would have already melted!”
Chen Zhuo, “It won’t. It has already been a day and it’s still pretty thick. Be good and wait for me at home, it’s just another thirty minutes before I get off from work.”
As everyone knew, it was impossible that Ji Xiaobei would obediently listen. Right after hanging up the call, he hopped off the bed, tidied it up, and rushed downstairs.
Once he exited the corridor, a crunch was heard as he took a step into the snow. Ji Xiaobei carefully walked towards the lawn, crouched down and gave the ground a poke. Not only did the snow not melt, it even froze a little.
It was all Chen Zhuo’s fault that he missed this golden opportunity to play in the snow!
He nestled there, fumbling with the accumulated snow, and after a long time, he finally rolled out two sturdy snowballs. Ji Xiaobei carried the small snowball and stacked it above the bigger one.
All of a sudden, a voice sounded from behind him, “I knew you wouldn’t listen!”
Partly because he felt guilty and partly due to the fact he was wearing a thick pair of pants that made it difficult to bend at the knees, Ji Xiaobei started swaying from shock when Chen Zhuo suddenly spoke. He fell forward and the snowman that he spent a lot of effort building collapsed in that instant.
Ji Xiaobei, “… I won’t be your friend anymore!”
The pair played in the snow until seven, and it was Chen Zhuo who carried Ji Xiaobei in his arms when they finally headed back. Before he was taken away, Ji Xiaobei left behind his masterpiece of the year, where anyone who entered and exited the building would spot five large words written in the snow: Chen Zhuo is a pig.
What he did not know was that Chen Zhuo added a few words when he went downstairs to empty the trash: Chen Zhuo’s wife is a pig, but Chen Zhuo does not despise him.
1衣食住行 (yī shí zhù xíng), separated into single words would mean, clothes, food, lodging, and transportation respectively. These make up a human’s basic needs.
2身先士卒 (shēn xiān shì zú), to lead a group of soldiers in a fight, 打入内部 (dǎ rù nèi bù), to infiltrate a base. Army reference.
3招安 (zhāo ān), enlist a service. Army reference.
4我真的不可爱 (wǒ zhēn de bù kě ài): I’m really not cute – is Xiaobei’s ID in pinyin.
5天津 (tiān jīn), municipality in northern China.
6报菜名 (bào cài míng) is a piece of speech used in 贯口 (guàn kǒu), a traditional folk art performance of reciting a piece of song or speech in one breath. The contents of this speech is mainly names of food.
7鱼米之乡 (yú mǐ zhī xiāng), lit. trans to rich in fish are rice.
8授受不亲 (shòu shòu bù qīn), usually used with 男女 (nán nǚ) placed at the beginning the idiom, is a phrase which means that males and females should not have physical/intimate contact. In this sentence, instead of male and female, 手脚 (shǒu jiǎo), hands and legs, was used.
9手足情深 (shŏu zú qíng shēn), is an idiom which describes a deep relationship between people who are close; brotherhood. I used the literal translation in this context to make the conversations flow better.
icedlattenoice 
Sometimes I wonder if these two are really adults…
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It’s nice to see people enjoying themselves. Thanks for the chapters.
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