Translator: dounai
Editor: mantou
101
Although Ji Xiaobei barely consumed alcohol in a year, he would become drunk each time he drank and this was enough to entertain Chen Zhuo for the entire year.
Once, he climbed onto Chen Zhuo in his drunken state and placed his hands on the man’s knees, stroking it down to his ankles, before feeling his way back up.
“What are you doing?” An eerie feeling crept up Chen Zhuo’s heart.
“Chen Zhuo, could you share half your leg hair with me?” Ji Xiaobei hiccuped.
Chen Zhuo, “… Be good, you’ll have some when you grow up.”
He felt envious of Chen Zhuo’s leg hair; so cool and so manly! Why did he not grow some?
There was once he woke up in the middle of the night in need of the toilet and accidentally stepped on a furry slipper. Insisting that there was a dog at the foot of the bed, he didn’t dare to relieve himself.
Chen Zhuo was laughing his head off, “It’s not a dog, look, it’s not barking.”
Ji Xiaobei, “It’s a dog, it’s hairy.”
Chen Zhuo, “Dogs are not the only ones with hair.”
Ji Xiaobei, “You’re right, you have some too.”
On another occasion, the boy climbed onto the window sill and called for Chen Zhuo.
Ji Xiaobei, “Ai ai1!”
Chen Zhuo, “…”
Ji Xiaobei, “I want to ai ai on the window sill”
Chen Zhuo then granted his wish on the window sill.
Hence, the next day, Ji Xiaobei’s buttocks were sore. Like a hypocrite who refused to take credit for his own suggestion, he cursed Chen Zhuo, “You’re such a pervert!”
102
As the days were getting warmer, Ji Xiaobei felt that “sweating like rain2” was not enough to describe his current state. Hence, he created a new phrase.
That night, he was on a video call with Mother Chen, “When I was picking Chen Zhuo from work today, it was so hot that I sweated like a waterfall while standing and waiting downstairs, it was whooshing!”
Mother Chen, “Why did you have to pick him up! You don’t have to, you really don’t have to! Be good, just stay at home and enjoy the air conditioner, don’t make yourself suffer like this!”
Chen Zhuo, “Your son is feeling hot too, why are you not caring for him…”
When they went to the supermarket to restock on QQ star, Ji Xiaobei complained again, “It’s so hot, I’m sweating like the Huangguoshu Waterfall3, it’s whooshing!”
Chen Zhuo was tickled once more, “It has leveled up again?”
When night fell, the couple entered a whole night of intimate exchange. Chen Zhuo then scooped up the sweaty Ji Xiaobei in his arms and brought him to the bathroom for a shower.
Chen Zhuo, “Why do you sweat so much baby?
Ji Xiaobei, “Ai, I’m sweating like Niagara Falls, Victoria Falls, Iguazu Falls, it’s whooshing!”
Chen Zhuo, “…that’s pretty eloquent?”
103
Chen Zhuo felt that Ji Xiaobei was behaving weirdly these days, more specifically: When they were doing that he would often like to… lick?
The first time was on the corner of his eye;
The second time was on his earlobe;
The third time was on the tip of his nose;
And subsequently he would loudly lick his fingers, like nibbling on carrots.
Chen Zhuo, “What have you been licking the whole day? Aren’t you afraid it’s dirty?”
Ji Xiaobei, “Isn’t it your problem if it’s dirty? Why don’t you wash cleanly? Please reflect on yourself!”
Chen Zhuo, “Fuck, I’m actually speechless.”
Ji Xiaobei, “Did you know that when a cat licks another cat, it means that you’re my little brother, I’m protecting you. Only a big bro can lick the fur of the little brother.”
Chen Zhuo, “Nope, I don’t.”
Ji Xiaobei, “You know it now.”
Chen Zhuo, “But you’re not a cat, you’re Beibei. What does it mean when Beibei licks someone?”
Ji Xiaobei, “When Beibei licks someone, it means that he likes that person.”
Chen Zhuo, “And?”
Ji Xiaobei, “And he misses him, twenty-four hours a day.”
Chen Zhuo, “And?”
Ji Xiaobei, “He wants kisses.”
Chen Zhuo “And?”
Ji Xiaobei, “Big bro will always protect little brother!”
Chen Zhuo, “No you can’t, you aren’t a cat!”
104
When Ji Xiaobei bought Bawang from the supermarket, Chen Zhuo was uneasy and felt that he was hinting at something.
He grabbed Ji Xiaobei’s hand and let the boy touch his head, “Look, it’s really thick, you’re insulting me by doing this!”
“Step aside, it’s not even for you!” Ji Xiaobei could not be bothered with him.
Chen Zhuo pulled him into his embrace and stroked his hair, “Who is it for then? Yourself? You’re pretty thick too, you don’t have to use it.”
One night a week later, Ji Xiaobei was taking a shower in the bathroom when Chen Zhuo walked in to grab the hair dryer. He swore to the Heavens that he didn’t peek on purpose.
He spotted Ji Xiaobei squeezing out a little Bawang4, bending down and spreading the shampoo evenly on his lower leg, using force to scrub them on before rinsing off the shampoo.
What kind of magic is this, using shampoo to wash your leg?!
Chen Zhuo was dazed. He took the hair dryer and stepped outside, logging on to Baidu: Can Bawamg shampoo be used for the body? What will happen if one uses shampoo to wash their body? Why do you use shampoo for the body?
After his shower, Ji Xiaobei dried his body and caressed his smooth leg. “I have used it for a week, why hasn’t my leg grown some hair!!!” He said angrily.
105
On one summer night, Chen Zhuo and his dad headed to a river for night fishing. Ji Xiaobei insisted on tagging along, hence they brought him too.
Arriving at the river side, Chen Zhuo prepared a little folding stool for Ji Xiaobei, “Sit properly and don’t move about, be careful of dropping into the river.”
Ji Xiaobei sounded in agreement, “Hand me a fishing rod!”
Chen Zhuo helped him to hook the bait on, “Hold it right here, I’ll toss it out for you.”
Three men sat in a row while fishing, and Ji Xiaobei would ask Chen Zhuo every thirty seconds, “Are there fishes yet?”
Chen Zhuo lowered his voice, “Shh 🤫 the fishes have swam away upon hearing your voice, I’m watching the bobber for you.”
Ji Xiaobei sounded in agreement again and kept mum. Countless mosquitos buzzed as they flew around him, but he kept up a strong front and remained in his little stool, motionless.
Chen Zhuo had already caught two fishes, and Ji Xiaobei was becoming restless. At last, his bobber finally moved, and his fishing rod felt heavy!
Ji Xiaobei huffed and puffed as he pulled the fishing rod. Chen Zhuo approached to offer his help and when he shined his flashlight towards it, a plastic bag was hanging from the boy’s fishing rod, half filled with water…
“What fish is it? Is it big?” Ji Xiaobei was ecstatic.
“A crucian carp,” Chen Zhuo started to make up a story.
Ji Xiaobei stretched his hand out, “Let me touch it!”
Chen Zhuo pulled out a fish he caught from his bucket. Ji Xiaobei grabbed it with both hands and in a jiffy, the slippery animal slipped out of his palms and landed on the river side. It flopped a few times before dropping into the waters with a splash.
Ji Xiaobei, “…”
Chen Zhuo, “…”
Ji Xiaobei, “It ran away.”
So, after busying himself the entire night and getting bitten by mosquitos, Ji Xiaobei did not get a single catch.
Ji Xiaobei, “I feel that you brought me here as a mosquito bait.”
Chen Zhuo, “You got bitten while fishing outside, and you get bitten even when you’re indoors watching television with mum, is there a difference?”
1Ai ai: 爱爱 (ài ài), lit. love love, aka the boy is just saying he wants to make love in a cute way.
2Sweating like rain: 汗如雨下 (hàn rú yŭ xià), lit. to sweat like rain, means to sweat profusely.
3Huangguoshu Waterfall: A famous waterfall in China.
4Bawang: 霸王 (bà wáng), an anti-hair lose shampoo brand.
icedlattenoice 
I was actually laughing so hard when i read the part about “bawang” because in my language it means garlic🤣.
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